object pronouns

“It’s a common mistake.”

One of my favorite TV series of all time is Friday Night Lights. Might have something to do with being from Texas because I’m not a football fan. I just appreciate that fanatical ambience. At any rate, one scene from the first season made me laugh out loud. Quarterback Matt Saracen is dating Coach Taylor’s daughter and the coach is starting to go all Dad in that brisk, steam-roller way of his.

Matt protests:

MATT. Look, Coach, this is just between Julie and I—

COACH. Julie and me.

MATT. Uh . . What?

COACH. Julie and me. It’s a common mistake. Go on.

Go Panthers!! That’s one football coach who was paying attention in English class. And he’s right—it is a very common mistake to default to “I” as a compound object. I’ve heard highly educated people make it.

By compound I mean any word or phrase joined to a corresponding word or phrase by a conjunction like “and” or “but.”

“Julie and I” is a compound joining a proper noun and a pronoun. As the subject of the sentence it would be just fine, such as

Julie and I are going to Diamond Mart to buy an engagement ring. (Whoa, Matt! You’re only 17!)
But “between Julie and I” makes the phrase the object of a preposition. In the objective case, the first-person pronoun changes form from “I” to “me.”

Suppose Julie said,

Matt and me are engaged.

First we would criticize her hasty decision, but we should get around to criticizing the grammar, too. Most of us were probably corrected early on from using object forms in the subject position: “Don’t say ‘him and me’ are friends. Say ‘he and I’ are friends.”

But some of us absorbed that lesson so well that “he and I” always sounds right, while “Don’t spread lies about him and me” sounds terrible. But it’s actually correct.

If you’re ever in doubt, try using the pronoun by itself:

“Don’t spread lies about me.”

“Don’t spread lies about him.”

“This is just between me” (even though that doesn’t make any logical sense).

Double-checking yourself when you’re about to say or write “____ and I” should help you correct at least some of that improper usage. It worked for me. In fact, now I’m absolutely insufferable about it. Go ahead—trying saying “Do you want to go paintballing with Harry and I?” and see how fast I jump down your throat!

P.S. About “thee.” A lot of confusion about this, too, but quickly: “Thou” is the subject form, “thee” is object, “ye” was originally the plural subject form, and “you” was the object plural. You’re welcome.